


Long Term Memory

by Jenner



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Diary/Journal, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Other, Spoilers, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:38:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenner/pseuds/Jenner
Summary: Excerpts from the diary of the Shepherd's legendary tactician.





	Long Term Memory

1/12/13: Everyone makes it seem like it's no big deal that I've lost my memories. They're so optimistic. Lissa says that if my memories were important I'd remember them and I know she's teasing but it still hurts. I don't remember anything. I don't remember _me_. Am I unimportant?

1/18/13: We're on our way to meet Chrom's older sister, the Exalt of Ylisse, and I'm sure someone will tell me what any of that means any day now. It's fine really, I have bigger things on my mind because while the whole team is in high spirits I can't stop thinking about how dense it is to implicitly trust someone who doesn't even know who they are. The sheer foolishness of this infuriates me as a tactician. You can't just believe the best of everyone and pretend they all mean well you'll get yourself betrayed or killed or both. No wonder they fell over themselves for my assistance. They're hopeless.

1/24/13: Ok so two things. One, this country went to war with its neighbors a generation ago and those countries victimized by that are pissed and retaliating, so that's nice. Second, it turns out the Exalt is the current leader of the country. Just learned that from her myself. Nice of her to tell me so I can stop pretending like I get it and go back to trying to figure out where the heck these monsters, Chrom is calling them Risen, are coming from and what to do about this impending war. Most of the team seems eager for a fight but I am more interested in actually finding a solution to the problem, not playing hero.

1/29/13: Ah, Regna Ferox, I came here knowing next to nothing of the country and you would think they would be more concerned about first impressions. They are not. Feroxians are loud, brash, and temperamental so I can see why we would want their assistance in assisting us against Plegia (Plegia is the country that declared war on Ylisse and possibly the source of the Risen.) If you had asked me what I had anticipated from this encounter fighting a masked teenager in the arena to convince the leaders of Regna Ferox to even consider assisting us probably wouldn't have been in the consideration yet here we are.

2/7/13: Long story short we won and the kid spouted off a bunch of vague nonsense then ran off. The Feroxians have lended us the assistance of some of their soldiers and we are now on our way to Plegia to try and resolve this entire mess. For the record, I think it's foolish to just lump all our problems on one source. The world doesn't work like that and nobody in their right mind would believe it's going to work out this conveniently. So of course the entire team, including Chrom (no I'm not surprised), is all in on this explanation. Now it's my job as their tactician to come up with a plan of action and see it through. Great.

2/13/13: Chrom has been telling me more about the world and talking to me more in general and it's been nice to have company. Whoever I was before is gone so I have to start back over from scratch. I've had to suppress my desire to be left alone and seek my companions out because it's more strategically valuable to me to make new friends and allies, especially with people who have close ties to world leaders. Chrom's earnestness and hopefulness is as endearing as it is obnoxious. If any of our companions fell in battle he would be devastated so I must concentrate more on our strategies. I'm not getting much sleep but nobody needs to know about that.

2/24/13: I wish Chrom wouldn't worry about me so much. He's got just a ton of stuff on his plate and he appears to be using this concern for me to avoid looking into his own problems. Of course now I'm fretting about him focusing on me and not seeking out answers to my own problems so maybe we deserve each other.

3/5/13: I don't understand why he's spending so much time with me. He has crucial Important Bloodline Stuff to do! He should be prioritizing that not hanging around with me and trying to be a mother hen. I enjoy having him around but he should be courting VIPs and trying to find a suitable spouse. Instead he's just spent two hours listing off all the types of swords he knows of from memory. Why is this cute?

3/28/13: Is everyone on this continent some kind of idiot? (I include myself in this.) Who had the bright idea of attempting to assassinate the Exalt while we were trying to settle this grievance peacefully? And what genius then decided to kidnap her? Now, I'm not trying to pretend I'm any more enlightened here because we're walking right into what is clearly a trap from which we are not meant to walk away from but come on. Ugh, the stupidity of this is not important, Chrom is so distraught and I don't blame him so even though this is a death trap I will find a way to get his sister back to him. He's counting on me.

5/16/13: ...How the tables have turned. From him mother henning me to me mother henning him... I don't know what to do, how to comfort him. I don't recall if I've ever needed to fulfill this role before but regardless I am ill equipped for it now, such as I am. What can I possibly do? The Exalt, his sister, is dead and he doesn't even have time to mourn before he must take up the mantle as Exalt and defend his country. He puts on a strong face but he is devastated, heartbroken, and grieving. This is all my fault because my tactics weren't enough. But he doesn't blame me, he clearly blames himself. But I... I blame me. What am I supposed to do?

1/19/14: We did it. She's been avenged and we did it together. Now, finally, my dear friend will be able to mourn and heal from this tragedy. I will be by his side, making up swords that don't exist and helping him through this difficult time in his life. It's the least I could do after he gave me a new life and purpose. Wait until he hears about horse cutters.

2/14/14: So he just proposed to me out of nowhere. Doesn't he know that I can't give him what he wants? What he needs? Is this some kind of political move? There are dozens of better political options for him. But... I asked him why me? Why someone who doesn't even know who they are? Who doesn't even remember their past? He said he loves me, whoever I am, and that he isn't concerned about my past, but our future... how can I say no to that?

And when did he get so smooth?

4/22/14: Did you know that time travel is real? We're fighting off a new invader from a nearby country and that masked teenager has shown up again claiming that she (because she was a she all along) has been Chrom and my daughter all along. Look, I'm not going to worry about how the mechanics of that work. I'm more overwhelmed by the fact that my time travelling daughter from a doomed future is telling me I need to die to have my suspension of disbelief shattered by Chrom and I concocting a way to have a child together. If you're curious why I'm taking all this so well you're not alone but at this point _anything_ is possible. So um, help me out here, Lucina, why do I need to die?

6/6/14: Breaking news I'm a dragon, an evil dragon, and also I have an evil clone and my dad has the last gem we need to complete the Fire Emblem and maybe our daughter should have killed me. And oh no  
Oh no  
No

??/??/??:  
I don't want to forget  
I don't want to forget again  
I don't want to forget them  
I don't want to forget him  
I never really told him... that I loved him too.


End file.
